Could get my beauty sleep again, staring at the ceiling above me thinking and worrying about those situations.
Been going on since las month, I couldn't made up my mind. My head in swimming in a pool of dilemma.
' Stupid BRain why can't you just make up your mind'?
Why I envy my friends whose Boyfriends are able to provide their every GIRLs needs? Even if my family is quite well off and i have a house to stay in, good food, no financial worries. I'm Still lecking of something. Yes, a stable boyfriend. A Romantic Boyfriend, a boyfriend that is able to make me feel like a woman again.
Usually i'll be doing the man part just to pamper myself anf pleased myself ( Not in those dirty ways ). it sickens me to see or read those blogs on some girls boyfriend who most of their time attend to the needs of thier gf.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Why am i feeling so jealous now? Why am i feeling a regret on even dating this current guy. i hate myself or being selfish to the 'other' me.
Trying to be dependent on my own and make myself feel like a woman is totally 'WRONG' . I need a man. I need a real man. I need a kind man, honest man, self-less man, stable income man, hardworking, board, not bad looking, loves me for who i am, a family man.
Maybe i shuld start clubbing more. Slim down. Make more friends in order to grab what i know, I should stop being selfish to myself and get myself a REAL man.
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